Wednesday, August 15, 2012

A Little on Bonding and Depression

One of my big fears, and most moms', was that I wouldn't bond with Maverick because how could I ever love someone as much as Lincoln?

When Maverick was born I was overwhelmed with complete love. The three years of falling more in love with Lincoln every day was immediately felt for Maverick. I didn't need "time" to have my love for him match the love for Lincoln. The second night in the hospital, while Scott was at home with Lincoln, I held Maverick and began crying. I immediately began praying to my Heavenly Father. I thanked him repeatedly for sending me my precious gift, for trusting me as a mom and loving me so much that he would let me raise one of his children. I still thank him throughout the day for sending Maverick to our home where I know he will be loved and cared for. The next week after having Maverick I was on cloud nine. I kept thinking, "this is what life is about, this is what matters" and it was the first time, in months, where I wasn't thinking about bills or the worldly things I wanted.

Towards the end of my pregnancy I began to get depressed. Depression is something I never have and this monster was so new to me that I knew it was not normal. I've definitely felt "depressed" in my life but this was not situational, it was the real deal. I would cry all the time and overreact to the smallest things. I kept telling Scott I was depressed but I never did anything about it. I never blogged about it, never told my doctor and definitely never told friends or family because I was completely embarassed by it. I've always believed you could overcome sad feelings if you had the right attitude but I couldn't shake these feelings! In my mind I was a failure!

As I was dealing with depression, I became terrified that I would get post-partum depression and not bond with my baby or even worse, hurt my baby! I was positive I would fall into worse depression after having Maverick.

To my complete amazement, the exact opposite happened. Instead of depression, I felt positively joyous! Bonding was not even a thought, it was instant and natural. All those "sad feelings" vanished and I stopped crying (except when I was so constipated my insides were ripping apart!). I wish I would have talked more honestly on this blog, but I was too worried about people judging me. Having Maverick was the best thing to happen to me, I suddenly felt that I was "good enough" and that God did love me and knew I was a good person and a good mom. It's amazing what depression can do to your self-esteem! If you are suffering from depression, I urge you to speak to your doctor. I wish I would have, even if it was just for an understanding ear, it would have helped. Pregnancy hormones DO exist and they also go away.

Maverick is such a blessing and I know he came at the perfect time for our family. Every single time I look at him, my entire heart swells. I can't get enough of him!

Why did God bless me with two beautiful boys?
I guess I will never know, but I will trust his judgment.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

4 Weeks Post-Pregnancy

4 Weeks Post Pregnancy

Today I stepped on the scale and I lost 2 pounds! Yay! I haven't ever mentioned my weight on here yet, but I want to be 100% open about my goals. Today I weighed 125, and that is a completely healthy weight, but for me to look and feel my best I want to weigh 115. So that leaves me 10 pounds to lose!

The last ten pounds are the hardest and I know that I will have to work to reach my goal. This last week I managed to lose 2 pounds, despite my random craving for homemade donuts. Lincoln and I fried up two dozen donuts and consumed them over three days. They were delicious! Even with that complete glutten failure, I cut back on overeating the rest of the week. Add that with breastfeeding and I lost two pounds.

Diet Goals: This week I am going to continue to keep it simple. I want to listen to my body and not eat second servings or starve myself for hours. I find eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm full does a lot more for me than counting calories. I hate counting calories! Hate it!

And for exercising.....
These past few days as I packed up the kids and went to the movies,scrubbed my house, blogged, wrestled Lincoln and cooked, I realized I felt like a "normal" mom. I wasn't dragging myself out of bed or popping movies in hoping for a quick nap, I wasn't worried about Maverick napping or wondering how much he was eating or when he last ate, I wasn't looking at loads of pooped on clothes or wondering when I was gonna shave my legs. I was living life the same as before I had Maverick or even before I got pregnant. The only difference was I now have one more baby to love and a lot more to do, but overall I am just being a normal mom with normal mom routines. As I was thinking about this, I decided it was time to start running.

I went for a twenty minute jog and probably did a shy short of two miles. I was surprised I even could run that far! It definitely worked me. How do I know it worked me? Well in the beginning I kept fixing my pony tail and adjusting my posture so I looked somewhat presentable for passing cars. At the end I was hunched over, my hair all over the place and my arms were swinging wherever the wind blew them while my hands repeatedly smacked myself in the chest. As cars drove by, probably laughing and pointing, I was darn proud of myself for running so hard I was literally falling apart. It felt good. Actually, it felt great!

Exercise goals this week:
Run two days
Work abs and arms two days
Work legs and butt two days

I'll post the workouts later when I do them.

I also will do better before photos. I want to really see the results in my arms, abs and legs. So not-so-sexy-photos are coming shortly.

-Cut out hydrogenated oils
-Eliminate most processed foods
-Eat fruits and veggies daily

-3 Months post pregnancy: Be running four times a week and five miles.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Three Weeks Post Pregnancy

Well baby is here and now I need to get my body back! So the blog continues on as my motivation to lose the weight and get in shape!

I gained 32 pounds throughout my pregnancy but only want to lose 27 pounds (because I am breastfeeding I need a little extra weight).

Anyways, when getting home from the hospital I stepped on the scale. Big mistake! I knew I shouldn't from experience with Lincoln, but I was just too curious.

Any guesses how much weight I lost after giving birth to at LEAST ten pounds of baby and other things?
Answer: Four pounds.
Yep four lousy pounds! Same thing happened with Lincoln. I was obviously swollen and retaining water (insert angry face).

One week went by and I was now down 14 pounds! It was coming off fast!

Two weeks went by and I was down 17 pounds and the weight loss was slowing down. My parents came and I ate like a pig!

When I stepped on the scale today, I was only down 15 pounds. I gained two pounds! Yep, I was definitely eating like a pig with the unrealistic belief that the weight would just keep coming off. I can assume all the baby and water weight has now fallen off and the remaining 12 pounds are gonna take some work.

With Lincoln I lost all of it, except five pounds, in one week. I believe I got cocky because over the next two months I GAINED ten pounds! Seriously Heather! I don't want that to happen.....again. I lost it all by five months, but it took an entire year to look the same as before. I was fortunate that my body only needed time and not work to lose the weight. I also lost an extra ten pounds! I think I looked darn good for being a mommy.

This time I want to lose it all by three months and plan on actually working towards that goal. By six months I want my body back.

Over the next three weeks I am going to focus on my diet until I can work out again. Hopefully I can lose a pound a week.

Then I am going to start working out and running. Those goals I will post later when the time comes.

I will report back here with my progress!

This is my before

My angel is totally worth the weight