Pregnant Hungry

I haven't found the need to blog here for a long time. It has been 18 months since I had Maverick and life has flown by. While I enjoy blogging about pregnancy, I felt silly blogging when I am not actually pregnant, but then I started getting pregnant-hungry! it seemed this was the best place to share my feelings. I want to be pregnant! The crazy part is I don't want a baby. Sounds absolutely insane! Who wants to endure morning sickness, stretch marks, weight gain, and awful hormones?  Well throw me in the crazy box, because this girl loves being pregnant. While it is hard, it always makes me feel so alive and aware of the things that really matter.

I have been browsing the Internet, reading stories and researching facts about pregnancy and birth. I have come across things that have shocked me and reinforced my beliefs in modern medicine during pregnancy, labor, and post-birth. I want to start spewing it all out now, but there is far too much to talk about. I will say that I am so thankful for the world I live in, and when you research birthing options you need to look at ALL the sides.

I never posted Maverick's Birth Story, but there it is!

Here is to posting randomly about any thoughts and feelings I have on pregnancy!



 

I should have my body back right?

Ever feel like after baby is no longer a newborn, people expect you to look as good(or better) as the day you got pregnant? Well I do! Maybe it's me being hyper sensitive and slightly dramatic but I feel this pressure that I need to be completely back to normal.

I have to CONSTANTLY remind myself that it has only been two-and-a-half months since having Maverick and I'm not going to be super model slim, have a six pack and a rockin,toned butt (not that I had these before, haha).

After my last post, I could not lose ANY weight! Like none! I was stuck at 125 for weeks. At six weeks I began running three or four times a week and I was seeing no results. After three weeks and the scale would not change, I gave up and decided to just be happy with that weight. I was feeling so frustrated and fat that I knew I needed to stop worrying about a stupid number on a stupid scale. I almost deleted this blog I was so annoyed by thoughts of weight loss (which I'm still debating about deleting since I have another blog and I am trying to figure out why to continue this blog when I'm not pregnant). I picked up yoga instead, a story for another post.

And then I went the other extreme. I have ate worse these past two weeks than I have in a long time. I'm talking a giant bowl of icecream with lots of chocolate syrup before bed, cookies for lunch and bags of candy, bought from WINCO candy bins, for snacking. Horrible. Absolutely horrible. And then guess what happened over these last two weeks of the worst diet ever?

I lost FOUR freaking pounds!

Like what the heck?!? I don't even know what to do with myself now. A part of me wants to rush to the store and buy every kind of candy I can think of, cause this diet is totally working! But another part of me(a very small but smart part) wants to buy broccoli and bananas in hopes of fixing what I've done to my heart and arteries.

I'm happy about losing those four pounds but I wanted it to be something I can be proud of instead of, "hey, I totally lost four pounds from eating garbage. Awesome right?".

Well here's to another six pounds that I hope to lose a little healthier.

A Little on Bonding and Depression

One of my big fears, and most moms', was that I wouldn't bond with Maverick because how could I ever love someone as much as Lincoln?

When Maverick was born I was overwhelmed with complete love. The three years of falling more in love with Lincoln every day was immediately felt for Maverick. I didn't need "time" to have my love for him match the love for Lincoln. The second night in the hospital, while Scott was at home with Lincoln, I held Maverick and began crying. I immediately began praying to my Heavenly Father. I thanked him repeatedly for sending me my precious gift, for trusting me as a mom and loving me so much that he would let me raise one of his children. I still thank him throughout the day for sending Maverick to our home where I know he will be loved and cared for. The next week after having Maverick I was on cloud nine. I kept thinking, "this is what life is about, this is what matters" and it was the first time, in months, where I wasn't thinking about bills or the worldly things I wanted.

Towards the end of my pregnancy I began to get depressed. Depression is something I never have and this monster was so new to me that I knew it was not normal. I've definitely felt "depressed" in my life but this was not situational, it was the real deal. I would cry all the time and overreact to the smallest things. I kept telling Scott I was depressed but I never did anything about it. I never blogged about it, never told my doctor and definitely never told friends or family because I was completely embarassed by it. I've always believed you could overcome sad feelings if you had the right attitude but I couldn't shake these feelings! In my mind I was a failure!

As I was dealing with depression, I became terrified that I would get post-partum depression and not bond with my baby or even worse, hurt my baby! I was positive I would fall into worse depression after having Maverick.

To my complete amazement, the exact opposite happened. Instead of depression, I felt positively joyous! Bonding was not even a thought, it was instant and natural. All those "sad feelings" vanished and I stopped crying (except when I was so constipated my insides were ripping apart!). I wish I would have talked more honestly on this blog, but I was too worried about people judging me. Having Maverick was the best thing to happen to me, I suddenly felt that I was "good enough" and that God did love me and knew I was a good person and a good mom. It's amazing what depression can do to your self-esteem! If you are suffering from depression, I urge you to speak to your doctor. I wish I would have, even if it was just for an understanding ear, it would have helped. Pregnancy hormones DO exist and they also go away.

Maverick is such a blessing and I know he came at the perfect time for our family. Every single time I look at him, my entire heart swells. I can't get enough of him!

Why did God bless me with two beautiful boys?
I guess I will never know, but I will trust his judgment.

4 Weeks Post-Pregnancy

4 Weeks Post Pregnancy

Today I stepped on the scale and I lost 2 pounds! Yay! I haven't ever mentioned my weight on here yet, but I want to be 100% open about my goals. Today I weighed 125, and that is a completely healthy weight, but for me to look and feel my best I want to weigh 115. So that leaves me 10 pounds to lose!

The last ten pounds are the hardest and I know that I will have to work to reach my goal. This last week I managed to lose 2 pounds, despite my random craving for homemade donuts. Lincoln and I fried up two dozen donuts and consumed them over three days. They were delicious! Even with that complete glutten failure, I cut back on overeating the rest of the week. Add that with breastfeeding and I lost two pounds.

Diet Goals: This week I am going to continue to keep it simple. I want to listen to my body and not eat second servings or starve myself for hours. I find eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm full does a lot more for me than counting calories. I hate counting calories! Hate it!

And for exercising.....
These past few days as I packed up the kids and went to the movies,scrubbed my house, blogged, wrestled Lincoln and cooked, I realized I felt like a "normal" mom. I wasn't dragging myself out of bed or popping movies in hoping for a quick nap, I wasn't worried about Maverick napping or wondering how much he was eating or when he last ate, I wasn't looking at loads of pooped on clothes or wondering when I was gonna shave my legs. I was living life the same as before I had Maverick or even before I got pregnant. The only difference was I now have one more baby to love and a lot more to do, but overall I am just being a normal mom with normal mom routines. As I was thinking about this, I decided it was time to start running.

I went for a twenty minute jog and probably did a shy short of two miles. I was surprised I even could run that far! It definitely worked me. How do I know it worked me? Well in the beginning I kept fixing my pony tail and adjusting my posture so I looked somewhat presentable for passing cars. At the end I was hunched over, my hair all over the place and my arms were swinging wherever the wind blew them while my hands repeatedly smacked myself in the chest. As cars drove by, probably laughing and pointing, I was darn proud of myself for running so hard I was literally falling apart. It felt good. Actually, it felt great!

Exercise goals this week:
Run two days
Work abs and arms two days
Work legs and butt two days

I'll post the workouts later when I do them.

I also will do better before photos. I want to really see the results in my arms, abs and legs. So not-so-sexy-photos are coming shortly.

Goals:
Diet
-Cut out hydrogenated oils
-Eliminate most processed foods
-Eat fruits and veggies daily

Exercise
-3 Months post pregnancy: Be running four times a week and five miles.

Three Weeks Post Pregnancy

Well baby is here and now I need to get my body back! So the blog continues on as my motivation to lose the weight and get in shape!

I gained 32 pounds throughout my pregnancy but only want to lose 27 pounds (because I am breastfeeding I need a little extra weight).

Anyways, when getting home from the hospital I stepped on the scale. Big mistake! I knew I shouldn't from experience with Lincoln, but I was just too curious.

Any guesses how much weight I lost after giving birth to at LEAST ten pounds of baby and other things?
Answer: Four pounds.
Yep four lousy pounds! Same thing happened with Lincoln. I was obviously swollen and retaining water (insert angry face).

One week went by and I was now down 14 pounds! It was coming off fast!

Two weeks went by and I was down 17 pounds and the weight loss was slowing down. My parents came and I ate like a pig!

When I stepped on the scale today, I was only down 15 pounds. I gained two pounds! Yep, I was definitely eating like a pig with the unrealistic belief that the weight would just keep coming off. I can assume all the baby and water weight has now fallen off and the remaining 12 pounds are gonna take some work.

With Lincoln I lost all of it, except five pounds, in one week. I believe I got cocky because over the next two months I GAINED ten pounds! Seriously Heather! I don't want that to happen.....again. I lost it all by five months, but it took an entire year to look the same as before. I was fortunate that my body only needed time and not work to lose the weight. I also lost an extra ten pounds! I think I looked darn good for being a mommy.

This time I want to lose it all by three months and plan on actually working towards that goal. By six months I want my body back.

Over the next three weeks I am going to focus on my diet until I can work out again. Hopefully I can lose a pound a week.

Then I am going to start working out and running. Those goals I will post later when the time comes.

I will report back here with my progress!

This is my before

My angel is totally worth the weight

38 Weeks Pregnant

Not much to report this week. I am obviously STILL pregnant and starting to get REALLY impatient. I want to meet my little boy NOW!!!!!! I think what helped keep me sane with Lincoln was having an induction date set. I don’t have one at all and I literally have no clue if I will go over or under my due date and girls go over their due dates 2 weeks sometimes! That would kill me! That is ten months of being pregnant and I have already done nine, no way could I do ten.

I have 10 days left until my due date on the 20th. That sounds like nothing but it definitely feels like for-ev-er. When I think about how I feel, I feel great. If I was only 34 weeks pregnant, I would be all happy with how easy this pregnancy is. But I am not 34 weeks, I am over 38 weeks and therefore I feel every ouch, pain and I am oversensitive to every single contraction that leads to nothing.

The only bad thing I am suffering from is still acid reflux, but as of lately it has gotten ten times worse. There hasn’t been a night that I don’t have my head in the toilet. I try not to eat past 4:00 because by the time ten rolls around my stomach has produced enough acid that I have to puke. It is awful and the last few times there has been streaks of blood in my puke from my throat being so raw.

But don’t you worry! This has definitely NOT slowed down my weight gain. I have gained 31 pounds and I am still packing on the pounds. This little guy better come out weighing ten pounds so I can feel like this weight is at least going somewhere!

Overall I feel amazing and as long as I am not thinking about labor, as if that ever happens, I don’t feel very pregnant at all.

Here I am 38 weeks pregnant and very swollen. My hands and feet have really swelled up these past couple of weeks……ugh! I am in a swimsuit so don’t judge me too much for looking like a beached whale! I dread pictures lately and want to hide from the camera so this literally might be the last pictures of me anyone sees. 

37 Weeks Pregnant

Can you say full-term? Yep, I am officially safe to have this baby! Does that mean I will have him? Uh, yeah, with my luck I will go OVER my due date. Having early babies in my family doesn't happen ever. It's not in our genes, but honestly most people don't. Between week 40 and 41 35% of girls have their babies. Between week 37 and 38, only 10% have their babies. In other words it very rarely happens, unless you are one of the lucky few.

Knowing this makes it slightly easier. I have to keep telling myself three weeks, three weeks, three weeks. And get out of my head, "maybe tonight".

However, everything is ready for baby. The bathroom is stocked with shampoo, soap and towells. His dresser has clothes, onesies, pajamas, socks and hats. His changing table has diapers, wipes, blankets and rash cream.

Everything is ready. Everything but my cervix. Gah! On Friday I had my appointment and in a week and a half I had dilated 1/2 a cm. I'm pretty sure he gave me that half to make me feel better too, so I basically haven't progressed AT ALL. So any hope of having this baby before the 20th is out the window.

But still, I only have 18 days left until my due date and that isn't very far at all.

As for how I feel, I feel good. I'm done being pregnant but I don't mind it either, I'm more excited to meet this little guy and starting to get impatient. It's bigger than Christmas though, so of course I'm getting impatient!

I have braxton hicks all the time and on Sunday I had them every two or three minutes and they hurt. I knew they weren't real because they were too close, way too fast and they never got more painful. After an hour they started to slow down and of course went away. If I didn't have them all the time, I would have thought I was in labor for sure. I also have been having awful period-like cramps that make me want to curl up in a ball. These of course are not accompanied by contractions, so again I know I'm not in labor.

Here I am slightly over 37 weeks pregnant and really hoping it's my last picture because I am feeling not so photogenic.

Actually this week is going to be fun because the sun is suppose to come out and we have fun plans for the fourth and this weekend. So baby can come next week!