Goodbye Blog

I have debated whether or not I should delete this blog, but I don't want all my posts to erase, so I have decided to make it private. I won't be writing on here again, and if I ever get pregnant again, I will post about it on my family blog. After finding my blog on a few pregnancy forums, I knew it was time to erase it. I guess I'm not as open as a person as I thought. I love pregnancy and want to share it with others, but I'm not sure I want to share it with strangers. I also don't want to share my thoughts or personal beliefs of pregnancy, breast feeding and delivery. It is such a controversial subject, and the last thing I want to do is hurt people's feelings.

The forums I read were eye-opening for me. People talked about my pregnant belly and the kind of person they thought I was. It was good to read. Really good to read. I will never stop loving pregnancy and birth, but I won't be so public about it. I won't push my views on others, and I will also be open to the views of other people. Reading pages and pages of thoughts centered around this blog was therapeutic and also very informative. I shed some tears, but I also got to see pregnancy from a different perspective. Heck, maybe one day I will even have a home birth! When I take pictures of my belly, it is not a way for me to brag, but I understand if I have made people feel that way. The last thing I want to do is hurt people or make them feel inferior, and that is why this blog must become private.

It has been fun, and I hope anyone visiting from a pregnancy forum (babyandbump) can read my apology and know that I never meant to hurt anyone. 

Birthing Experience Vs.Birthing Safety

There is one phrase that I hear that makes me cringe, "My birth experience wasn't what I wanted." And although I sympathize with more extreme cases, I don't sympathize with those that complain over "unnecessary medical intervention," and include getting an IV and having the baby monitored as "unnecessary". Sometimes having a baby isn't about the mom, in fact it is always about the baby.

 I just watched "The Business of Being Born," and within ten minutes of hearing statistics, I was ready to chuck something at the TV. The moment it mentioned "midwives" in the US vs. the rest of the world, I knew I was in for an hour of untruths. I hate the term midwife. Why? Well certified midwives in the US don't have to go to school. They attend some training and call it a day. Certified NURSE midwives are completely different and have at least a masters degree and typically work in doctor's offices or hospital birthing centers. The rest of the world only uses the term "midwife" for those who go to extensive school/training like our NURSE midwives. Make sense? We already have highly-educated nurse midwives, and I simply don't understand using a second-class midwife.

Do not mix up the two. The homebirths you see are done by a midwife who hasn't ever worked in a hospital and seen first-hand "real" life-threatening births. So when a life-threatening birth happens, how is she suppose to spot it before it is too late? Midwives here are more like doulas, which are great to have for support, as a spokesperson, and someone to help you through the labor. When it comes to having a completely normal and safe birth, then yes homebirths with a midwife are probably the best experience ever. The midwife has learned all the techniques to deal with the pain and delivered countless babies. But, and this is a big BUT, what if something does go wrong? Is this beautiful homebirth experience worth the risk?

I'm guessing you can tell I am against homebirths? I am all about having a good birthing experience without an epidural, prolonged cord-cutting, and birthing in the water. I am not for homebirths--unless you don't make it to the hospital in time. The statistics you read can be confusing, and pro-homebirthers love to claim that homebirths are as safe or safer than hospital births. This is not true.

For starters, most people who have homebirths have gone through a screening to ensure they are a good candidates for safely birthing at home. This takes out any high-risk labors, previous C-sections, multiples, and women with pre-existing medical conditions. So the hospital pool is a combination of everyone, while homebirths are the ideal safe births. This immediately throws off the statistics.

Secondly, if a home-birth goes wrong and baby is transferred to the hospital, the hospital gets to add that "homebirth" into their numbers. This also includes babies born at home but pass-away in the ambulance or at the hospital.

Thirdly, studies that truly reflect low-risk women in a hospital setting vs. homebirth, show that homebirths are two to three times more likely to end in death.

Fourthly, The Midwives Alliance of North America (MANA) has never released the honest data of homebirths risks to the public. If they showed homebirths were safer, you can be dang sure they would share the data.

So yes, I think homebirths are a risk. I understand why women want them. They sound amazing, but I will never tell a women to have one. In the end it is the mom's choice, and I definitely respect that, but knowing all the facts before making a final decision is a must. This doesn't me rushing to a certified midwife and asking for her thoughts.

As for delivering in a hospital, I say go for whatever you want! You want your doula there? Do it. You want to labor at home? Go for it. You want to labor in the tub and walk around? Then do. I think before writing out a birth plan, it is always proactive to ask yourself, "Is this <insert detail> really going to affect my birth experience or is it safer for the baby?" While we all envision how we want our labor and delivery to go, it really can take us anywhere. Yes, I do believe that C-sections are overdone, and many women feel like they were robbed of an experience when they are rushed to surgery, but all doctors aren't quick to cut. I was in labor with Lincoln for 12 hours and his heart rate was insane, and guess what? When it dropped to 40 and the nurse panicked for a C-section, the doctor calmly said, "give it a few seconds," and then helped me push my son out.

While I love reading birth stories, it saddens me to hear people disappointed in holding their baby for the first time; too caught up on their missed vision, they forget to embrace the miracle happening right in front of them. Being prepared, but open to "interventions" will help you appreciate the gift of creating a baby inside you for nine full months, even if it is done with medicine. I am so blessed and thankful to live in the world we do. One hundred years ago 7% of women died in childbirth, and now that number is below 1%. How miraculous! I will always put birthing safety above my birthing experience.

For more information, statistics, and truths about homebirths check out this doctor's website. I found it very interesting, especially since I was looking at delivering our next baby at a birthing center. After learning more about midwives and talking to Scott, I realized it wasn't for me. I don't have a problem with birthing centers though, as they have strict regulations and fast transportation to hospitals.




 

Writing a Birth Plan

Birth plans are an excellent way to prepare yourself for labor. Although I don't think they are necessary to bring with you to the hospital, I definitely recommend writing one at home. I didn't have one written out for my first son, but I had one mentally in place without even realizing it. It was experiencing labor the first time, that helped me write out what I wanted the next time. Everyone has ideas of what they want to have happen in the delivery room, and whether your birth is all natural, a C-section, or at home, you can still have a birth plan in place.

My first Birth Plan Was Something Like This
-Go to hospital at first signs of Labor
-Get epidural when I start to feel pain
- Labor pain free
-Push Baby Out
-Scott cuts cord
-Breastfeed

When I decided to get induced, my birth plan went like this instead
-Arrive at hospital at 7:00
-Have my water broken
-Get Pitocin if my labor does not progress
-Receive epidural when I am dilated to a 5
-Have baby
-Scott cuts cord
-Breast Feed

With Maverick my Birth Plan Was This
-Do not get induced until 41 weeks
-Have membranes stripped at 38 weeks
-No Pitocin unless necessary
-Go to hospital when contractions hurt and are 3-5 minutes apart
-Get epidural
-Scott cuts cord
-Breast feed immediately after delivery
-No binkies
-No formula
-No bottles
-Lots of stool softener!

As you can see, my birth plan was focused on having success at breastfeeding, and it took Lincoln's birth to help me create it. I did not bring it with me to the hospital, as I knew what I wanted and also knew my hospital supported breastfeeding. The most important thing you can do before writing a birth plan is to visit your hospital to get a complete feel for it. Most things that are on birth plans are already done anyways. Other things are not an option, so know your hospital beforehand. Nurses respect birth plans, but writing one that is realistic will help your nurse follow it exactly how you want.

Most Hospitals:
-Offer the partner to cut the cord
-Do not give formula to a baby unless instructed to
-Place the baby on the mom's chest immediately after birth
-Require you to get an IV in case you need to be rushed to surgery
-Do not take the baby to the nursery, but place baby in bed next to yours
-Require baby to be monitored during labor (this can be done with a portable device so you can still walk around during labor).
-Do not give the baby a bottle unless instructed to
-Ask if students can observe, and you can say no
-Respect your decision to go without pain medication
-Will perform a C-section only if the life of the baby is in danger

The best birth plans are short and simple, but writing a long one is a great way to start and prepare yourself. If you want to give the nurses your birth plan, make it a short list. Create a longer one for you including everything from visitors, what to wear, pictures, medication, breastfeeding, and what you want to happen at home.

Your birth plan might not go exactly as planned, but this is what makes labor and delivery so much fun! The unknown is what keeps you on edge, helps you get through the pain, and gets you through the last pushes. No matter where your birth takes you, keeping a positive attitude will ensure you an experience you'll remember with a smile. If you refuse to except that you might have to get an IV or have baby suctioned out, then you might be a little disappointed in your birth.

Lincoln's birth did not go how I planned, but it was one of the happiest days of my life and I treasure the entire labor experience. He had a hole in his heart and was whisked away to the NICU before I could breastfeed him. After delivery, I didn't get to hold him again for two hours. A part of me is glad that I didn't have this huge birth plan with expectations written out. You might say "ignorance is bliss." I have read way too many birth stories about how a mom was "traumatized" by her hospital experience because she had to have an epidural, Pitocin, and couldn't eat. Those things shouldn't make your birth experience any less special or amazing. Be prepared, be open, and enjoy it because not everyone is blessed to give birth. I can't wait to experience labor again, and I am sure the next time around my birth plan will be the longest yet! I am already planning to go natural for my third. We will see! Hopefully in two years.



 

Breastfeeding Vs. Formula

I am not really sure why I have never blogged about this, but breastfeeding is a topic that is very intriguing to me. It fascinates me how passionate and defensive moms can be. I have read countless articles on why “Breast is Best!” Then the article lists several reasons on how your baby will be smarter and better bonded to you if you choose to breastfeed. These same articles argue how many moms give up too early and don’t try hard enough. If moms tried a little harder than they could do it.  It makes me angry. I am one of those moms! I didn’t breastfeed my oldest son after his first month; I must be a failure!

People often group moms into two different categories; breastfeeding moms and formula-feeding moms. While some moms argue that breastfeeding is the only way, formula moms try to defend their reasons for using formula. The problem with these two categories is there is another four groups of moms. Yes, I said four more. I will do the math for you, six categories of feeding moms!

The thing is, breastfeeding is not so black and white. It is complicated and full of surprises and many different challenges. I have been apart of four of these groups, and I feel this is a subject that can be very sensitive to many moms. No matter how your baby is fed, there is no wrong or right way. What matters most is your baby being loved and taken care of.

Breastfeeding is incredibly healthy and can provide many benefits to both mom and baby. But before you start judging the mom shaking a bottle filled with water and formula, you need to understand why. Let me start with the six categories, and then I will share my personal feelings and experience with breastfeeding.

1. Strictly Breastfeeding

This is the first category and is when an infant is breastfed until at least one year and given no formula or bottles.

2. Strictly Formula

This is when an infant is strictly given formula and never any amount of breast milk from day one.

3. Pumping breast milk

This is for moms who struggle to get their baby to latch or work away from home. Unable to breastfeed, they pump milk several times throughout the day. In my opinion it is the most exhausting of them all as it is double the work.

4. Breastfeeding with formula supplements

Some women for many unknown reasons cannot produce enough milk to feed their babies efficiently. While nursing their child, they also use formula to make sure baby is getting the nutrients to grow and develop safely.

5. Breastfeeding and then Formula

Many moms begin breastfeeding for a couple of months, but switch to formula sometime between the first month and the first year. It may be for work, convenience, latching struggles, or emotional reasons.

6. Moms who can’t breastfeed but want to

This is the last and the hardest category. This is the category that often gets overlooked. Some moms want so badly to be in category #1, but for whatever reason, they cannot breastfeed.

If you read through these categories you might find yourself in one that you never thought of before. Or maybe you are in another one not listed, or maybe in several categories. I have been in  #1, #3, #6, and shortly in #5.

I strongly support breastfeeding and believe that it holds more nutrients for an infant. Actually I don’t just believe it is more nutritious, I know that it is. Natural food is always healthier, but it is not always better. Those two statements might seem contradictory, but it is this confliction that separates us from animals and makes us human. While looking at breastfeeding factually, it would always be the better option. If you add in human mental, physical, environmental, or emotional health then it really depends.

Some women cannot breastfeed because of medications they are on that can be absorbed into their breast milk. Some women cannot breastfeed because the baby cannot latch. Some women cannot emotionally deal with the stress or pain that often accompanies breastfeeding in the first month. Some women work and the struggle to pump milk can physically exhaust them. Some women don’t have a choice. Before you make any judgments about a women’s decision to breastfeed or not breastfeed, you must remember that all good moms only want what is best for their child.

Before I had my first son, I was 100% for breastfeeding. It was what I would do, and mom’s who couldn’t do it were failures. I am more than thankful that I got to experience what it feels like to attempt breastfeeding and completely fail. It was this failure that made me a more open and understanding woman. It was formula feeding my son for a complete 11 months that made me realize that in the end, it doesn’t really matter. My son is incredibly smart. He is four and can read at a first grade level. He is social and has many friends. We have an amazing relationship and bonded quickly when I decided to quit breastfeeding. Yes, it was when I quit breastfeeding that we could bond. The frustration of trying to get him to latch accompanied by a feeling of being a bad mom, made it very hard to bond. When I stopped worrying about doing what the world told me was best and started doing what was best for us, I was able to relax and take care of my son. The most important thing to a child is to have a loving parent who cares for them. My second son I was able to breastfeed for ten months, and it was a wonderful experience that was completely different than with my first. Whatever you choose to do, it is always important to do what is mentally and emotionally healthy for both baby and mom.

Pregnant Hungry

I haven't found the need to blog here for a long time. It has been 18 months since I had Maverick and life has flown by. While I enjoy blogging about pregnancy, I felt silly blogging when I am not actually pregnant, but then I started getting pregnant-hungry! it seemed this was the best place to share my feelings. I want to be pregnant! The crazy part is I don't want a baby. Sounds absolutely insane! Who wants to endure morning sickness, stretch marks, weight gain, and awful hormones?  Well throw me in the crazy box, because this girl loves being pregnant. While it is hard, it always makes me feel so alive and aware of the things that really matter.

I have been browsing the Internet, reading stories and researching facts about pregnancy and birth. I have come across things that have shocked me and reinforced my beliefs in modern medicine during pregnancy, labor, and post-birth. I want to start spewing it all out now, but there is far too much to talk about. I will say that I am so thankful for the world I live in, and when you research birthing options you need to look at ALL the sides.

I never posted Maverick's Birth Story, but there it is!

Here is to posting randomly about any thoughts and feelings I have on pregnancy!



 

I should have my body back right?

Ever feel like after baby is no longer a newborn, people expect you to look as good(or better) as the day you got pregnant? Well I do! Maybe it's me being hyper sensitive and slightly dramatic but I feel this pressure that I need to be completely back to normal.

I have to CONSTANTLY remind myself that it has only been two-and-a-half months since having Maverick and I'm not going to be super model slim, have a six pack and a rockin,toned butt (not that I had these before, haha).

After my last post, I could not lose ANY weight! Like none! I was stuck at 125 for weeks. At six weeks I began running three or four times a week and I was seeing no results. After three weeks and the scale would not change, I gave up and decided to just be happy with that weight. I was feeling so frustrated and fat that I knew I needed to stop worrying about a stupid number on a stupid scale. I almost deleted this blog I was so annoyed by thoughts of weight loss (which I'm still debating about deleting since I have another blog and I am trying to figure out why to continue this blog when I'm not pregnant). I picked up yoga instead, a story for another post.

And then I went the other extreme. I have ate worse these past two weeks than I have in a long time. I'm talking a giant bowl of icecream with lots of chocolate syrup before bed, cookies for lunch and bags of candy, bought from WINCO candy bins, for snacking. Horrible. Absolutely horrible. And then guess what happened over these last two weeks of the worst diet ever?

I lost FOUR freaking pounds!

Like what the heck?!? I don't even know what to do with myself now. A part of me wants to rush to the store and buy every kind of candy I can think of, cause this diet is totally working! But another part of me(a very small but smart part) wants to buy broccoli and bananas in hopes of fixing what I've done to my heart and arteries.

I'm happy about losing those four pounds but I wanted it to be something I can be proud of instead of, "hey, I totally lost four pounds from eating garbage. Awesome right?".

Well here's to another six pounds that I hope to lose a little healthier.

A Little on Bonding and Depression

One of my big fears, and most moms', was that I wouldn't bond with Maverick because how could I ever love someone as much as Lincoln?

When Maverick was born I was overwhelmed with complete love. The three years of falling more in love with Lincoln every day was immediately felt for Maverick. I didn't need "time" to have my love for him match the love for Lincoln. The second night in the hospital, while Scott was at home with Lincoln, I held Maverick and began crying. I immediately began praying to my Heavenly Father. I thanked him repeatedly for sending me my precious gift, for trusting me as a mom and loving me so much that he would let me raise one of his children. I still thank him throughout the day for sending Maverick to our home where I know he will be loved and cared for. The next week after having Maverick I was on cloud nine. I kept thinking, "this is what life is about, this is what matters" and it was the first time, in months, where I wasn't thinking about bills or the worldly things I wanted.

Towards the end of my pregnancy I began to get depressed. Depression is something I never have and this monster was so new to me that I knew it was not normal. I've definitely felt "depressed" in my life but this was not situational, it was the real deal. I would cry all the time and overreact to the smallest things. I kept telling Scott I was depressed but I never did anything about it. I never blogged about it, never told my doctor and definitely never told friends or family because I was completely embarassed by it. I've always believed you could overcome sad feelings if you had the right attitude but I couldn't shake these feelings! In my mind I was a failure!

As I was dealing with depression, I became terrified that I would get post-partum depression and not bond with my baby or even worse, hurt my baby! I was positive I would fall into worse depression after having Maverick.

To my complete amazement, the exact opposite happened. Instead of depression, I felt positively joyous! Bonding was not even a thought, it was instant and natural. All those "sad feelings" vanished and I stopped crying (except when I was so constipated my insides were ripping apart!). I wish I would have talked more honestly on this blog, but I was too worried about people judging me. Having Maverick was the best thing to happen to me, I suddenly felt that I was "good enough" and that God did love me and knew I was a good person and a good mom. It's amazing what depression can do to your self-esteem! If you are suffering from depression, I urge you to speak to your doctor. I wish I would have, even if it was just for an understanding ear, it would have helped. Pregnancy hormones DO exist and they also go away.

Maverick is such a blessing and I know he came at the perfect time for our family. Every single time I look at him, my entire heart swells. I can't get enough of him!

Why did God bless me with two beautiful boys?
I guess I will never know, but I will trust his judgment.

4 Weeks Post-Pregnancy

4 Weeks Post Pregnancy

Today I stepped on the scale and I lost 2 pounds! Yay! I haven't ever mentioned my weight on here yet, but I want to be 100% open about my goals. Today I weighed 125, and that is a completely healthy weight, but for me to look and feel my best I want to weigh 115. So that leaves me 10 pounds to lose!

The last ten pounds are the hardest and I know that I will have to work to reach my goal. This last week I managed to lose 2 pounds, despite my random craving for homemade donuts. Lincoln and I fried up two dozen donuts and consumed them over three days. They were delicious! Even with that complete glutten failure, I cut back on overeating the rest of the week. Add that with breastfeeding and I lost two pounds.

Diet Goals: This week I am going to continue to keep it simple. I want to listen to my body and not eat second servings or starve myself for hours. I find eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm full does a lot more for me than counting calories. I hate counting calories! Hate it!

And for exercising.....
These past few days as I packed up the kids and went to the movies,scrubbed my house, blogged, wrestled Lincoln and cooked, I realized I felt like a "normal" mom. I wasn't dragging myself out of bed or popping movies in hoping for a quick nap, I wasn't worried about Maverick napping or wondering how much he was eating or when he last ate, I wasn't looking at loads of pooped on clothes or wondering when I was gonna shave my legs. I was living life the same as before I had Maverick or even before I got pregnant. The only difference was I now have one more baby to love and a lot more to do, but overall I am just being a normal mom with normal mom routines. As I was thinking about this, I decided it was time to start running.

I went for a twenty minute jog and probably did a shy short of two miles. I was surprised I even could run that far! It definitely worked me. How do I know it worked me? Well in the beginning I kept fixing my pony tail and adjusting my posture so I looked somewhat presentable for passing cars. At the end I was hunched over, my hair all over the place and my arms were swinging wherever the wind blew them while my hands repeatedly smacked myself in the chest. As cars drove by, probably laughing and pointing, I was darn proud of myself for running so hard I was literally falling apart. It felt good. Actually, it felt great!

Exercise goals this week:
Run two days
Work abs and arms two days
Work legs and butt two days

I'll post the workouts later when I do them.

I also will do better before photos. I want to really see the results in my arms, abs and legs. So not-so-sexy-photos are coming shortly.

Goals:
Diet
-Cut out hydrogenated oils
-Eliminate most processed foods
-Eat fruits and veggies daily

Exercise
-3 Months post pregnancy: Be running four times a week and five miles.

Three Weeks Post Pregnancy

Well baby is here and now I need to get my body back! So the blog continues on as my motivation to lose the weight and get in shape!

I gained 32 pounds throughout my pregnancy but only want to lose 27 pounds (because I am breastfeeding I need a little extra weight).

Anyways, when getting home from the hospital I stepped on the scale. Big mistake! I knew I shouldn't from experience with Lincoln, but I was just too curious.

Any guesses how much weight I lost after giving birth to at LEAST ten pounds of baby and other things?
Answer: Four pounds.
Yep four lousy pounds! Same thing happened with Lincoln. I was obviously swollen and retaining water (insert angry face).

One week went by and I was now down 14 pounds! It was coming off fast!

Two weeks went by and I was down 17 pounds and the weight loss was slowing down. My parents came and I ate like a pig!

When I stepped on the scale today, I was only down 15 pounds. I gained two pounds! Yep, I was definitely eating like a pig with the unrealistic belief that the weight would just keep coming off. I can assume all the baby and water weight has now fallen off and the remaining 12 pounds are gonna take some work.

With Lincoln I lost all of it, except five pounds, in one week. I believe I got cocky because over the next two months I GAINED ten pounds! Seriously Heather! I don't want that to happen.....again. I lost it all by five months, but it took an entire year to look the same as before. I was fortunate that my body only needed time and not work to lose the weight. I also lost an extra ten pounds! I think I looked darn good for being a mommy.

This time I want to lose it all by three months and plan on actually working towards that goal. By six months I want my body back.

Over the next three weeks I am going to focus on my diet until I can work out again. Hopefully I can lose a pound a week.

Then I am going to start working out and running. Those goals I will post later when the time comes.

I will report back here with my progress!

This is my before

My angel is totally worth the weight

38 Weeks Pregnant

Not much to report this week. I am obviously STILL pregnant and starting to get REALLY impatient. I want to meet my little boy NOW!!!!!! I think what helped keep me sane with Lincoln was having an induction date set. I don’t have one at all and I literally have no clue if I will go over or under my due date and girls go over their due dates 2 weeks sometimes! That would kill me! That is ten months of being pregnant and I have already done nine, no way could I do ten.

I have 10 days left until my due date on the 20th. That sounds like nothing but it definitely feels like for-ev-er. When I think about how I feel, I feel great. If I was only 34 weeks pregnant, I would be all happy with how easy this pregnancy is. But I am not 34 weeks, I am over 38 weeks and therefore I feel every ouch, pain and I am oversensitive to every single contraction that leads to nothing.

The only bad thing I am suffering from is still acid reflux, but as of lately it has gotten ten times worse. There hasn’t been a night that I don’t have my head in the toilet. I try not to eat past 4:00 because by the time ten rolls around my stomach has produced enough acid that I have to puke. It is awful and the last few times there has been streaks of blood in my puke from my throat being so raw.

But don’t you worry! This has definitely NOT slowed down my weight gain. I have gained 31 pounds and I am still packing on the pounds. This little guy better come out weighing ten pounds so I can feel like this weight is at least going somewhere!

Overall I feel amazing and as long as I am not thinking about labor, as if that ever happens, I don’t feel very pregnant at all.

Here I am 38 weeks pregnant and very swollen. My hands and feet have really swelled up these past couple of weeks……ugh! I am in a swimsuit so don’t judge me too much for looking like a beached whale! I dread pictures lately and want to hide from the camera so this literally might be the last pictures of me anyone sees. 

37 Weeks Pregnant

Can you say full-term? Yep, I am officially safe to have this baby! Does that mean I will have him? Uh, yeah, with my luck I will go OVER my due date. Having early babies in my family doesn't happen ever. It's not in our genes, but honestly most people don't. Between week 40 and 41 35% of girls have their babies. Between week 37 and 38, only 10% have their babies. In other words it very rarely happens, unless you are one of the lucky few.

Knowing this makes it slightly easier. I have to keep telling myself three weeks, three weeks, three weeks. And get out of my head, "maybe tonight".

However, everything is ready for baby. The bathroom is stocked with shampoo, soap and towells. His dresser has clothes, onesies, pajamas, socks and hats. His changing table has diapers, wipes, blankets and rash cream.

Everything is ready. Everything but my cervix. Gah! On Friday I had my appointment and in a week and a half I had dilated 1/2 a cm. I'm pretty sure he gave me that half to make me feel better too, so I basically haven't progressed AT ALL. So any hope of having this baby before the 20th is out the window.

But still, I only have 18 days left until my due date and that isn't very far at all.

As for how I feel, I feel good. I'm done being pregnant but I don't mind it either, I'm more excited to meet this little guy and starting to get impatient. It's bigger than Christmas though, so of course I'm getting impatient!

I have braxton hicks all the time and on Sunday I had them every two or three minutes and they hurt. I knew they weren't real because they were too close, way too fast and they never got more painful. After an hour they started to slow down and of course went away. If I didn't have them all the time, I would have thought I was in labor for sure. I also have been having awful period-like cramps that make me want to curl up in a ball. These of course are not accompanied by contractions, so again I know I'm not in labor.

Here I am slightly over 37 weeks pregnant and really hoping it's my last picture because I am feeling not so photogenic.

Actually this week is going to be fun because the sun is suppose to come out and we have fun plans for the fourth and this weekend. So baby can come next week!

36 Weeks Pregnant

A week late, but I wanted to write down stats from last week...

On Friday I went to have an ultrasound done to see if baby is still growing good. I was not surprised to find that he in fact is growing great! It was awesome to see his adorable face and chubby cheeks and hands. Yep, I could totally see my adorable little chunk with his thick hands. His head is down and facing right and he is completely squished in there. It was hard for her to measure every part of him because he is so crammed, and there was no way she could identify his "boy" parts, but thankfully I already have confirmed his manhood, not once but twice. When I left my appointment, I quickly looked up my 36 week blog post with Lincoln to make some comparisons between the two, and I was excited to see how similar everything was.

36 Weeks with Lincoln:
My fundus measurement was barely 30 weeks, so I was measuring 6 weeks behind! I was smaller than my previous appointment because Lincoln had dropped. They did an ultrasound to make sure he was growing and he measured in the 37 percentile and weighed approximately 5lbs 14oz.

With this baby:
My fundus measured 3 weeks behind and was smaller than my previous appointment because baby had dropped. They did an ultrasound to make sure baby is growing good and he was in the 30 percentile and weighed roughly 5lbs 8 oz.

What I find the most interesting is how the "fundus measurement" can be affected by so many different things, especially in the last weeks. Doctor Hermanshati explained that once baby "drops" the measurement becomes completely inaccurate. Even though I measured six weeks behind with Lincoln, he still measured bigger than this baby! Totally fascinating to me.
Also going off of these measurements, Lincoln only gained one pound from 36 weeks to 39 weeks when he was born. With that I can guess that this baby will weigh around the same, maybe slightly more, if I go the entire 40 weeks.

Anyways just wanted to write down all the doctors information.

Sorry no picture this week, but just imagine me wearing my husband's giant shirt, pink silky pajamas pants, and sandals. My hair is messy, bushy and gross. Nothing matches and I look worse than white trash. I even went out in public to get a much needed slurpy from 7-11 because that is what I crave. When I asked Scott if he was embarrassed to be seen with me, he simply said, "I just think you have given up hope these last few weeks". I've definitely given up hope on looking good and have quit attempting. I am what I am.....VERY pregnant.

35 Weeks Pregnant

The last few weeks always become so exciting and full of news as the doctor begins checking dilation and effacement. Even though I hope this baby stays in until his due date, I still feel myself wishing I was progressing.

Today I had my appointment and the doctor did the group B test along with some other tests that were skipped with my last appointments. My fundus measured at 32 weeks, so about three weeks behind. I wasn't concerned because baby has dropped and that can throw off the entire measurement. However, they scheduled me an ultrasound for tomorrow so we will see how baby is growing. I'm not worried at all because the same thing happened with Lincoln, but I measured five weeks behind and Lincoln came out almost seven pounds a week early.

The doctor also checked to see if I had started dilating. I am dilated to a one and 50% effaced. He told me with this progress baby should be here by 38 weeks. I just started laughing because that's what they told me with Lincoln and they had to break my water to get him to come at 39 weeks! Either way I was still super excited to hear that I am dilated and it suddenly feels so real!

As for contractions, I have them whenever I walk at all, even just down the hall. We went to Seattle on Saturday and my stomach was one giant contraction the entire time. Talk about exhausting! Braxton hicks are stressful because I'm always wondering if it is the real thing or just another weak contraction. I hope I know when it is real. My biggest fear is going to the hospital to only get sent home with mild practice contractions.

It was really good to go to my appointment today. It made me nervous and anxious for baby to come. I still have a lot to do, so I need to get off my butt and get to work!

I feel great this week! I have very little pain and as long as I don't sit upright too long, I'm not even uncomfortable. Walking gets quite tiresome and I feel incredibly out of shape. Seriously! I also have gained a lovely 28 pounds and my swollen fingers can no longer wear my wedding ring. My feet are quite swollen too, but thankfully Washington is cold all the time so I'm not a hot mess on top of being pregnant.

Here is my belly! Can you believe I only have a month left? Yikes!

34 Weeks Pregnant

This week I have been SO tired! I constantly need to sit down and take a moment to breath. Sleep is getting difficult to have at all and I can only ever get three straight hours before waking up to pee. I have also been very emotional, I feel like I cry all the time. It is super annoying.

Now for venting, I know that I carry my babies different than a lot of women. I don't have that adorable basketball in front of me, but instead baby is in my back and hips. But just because baby is not two feet in front of me, doesn't mean I don't still feel just as pregnant as every other girl. Sometimes I wish I was bigger out front so people would treat me just a little more pregnant and remember I am in my final stretch. There are things I don't want to do and every other eight month pregnant girl wouldn't want to do either. I get tired on my feet, I get cranky, my back hurts, it's hard to breath and sometimes I need my space. Anyways, that is my complaint for this pregnancy.

Other than getting more uncomfortable, more tired, and more cranky, everything else is good. I'm trying to enjoy this last month as our little family of three and more than anything I am trying to soak up every last minute I get with Lincoln. I know I say that ALL the time, but it is something I will miss. Of course now we get to be a family of four which is even better. This is the last time I get my little boy to myself and so I'm busy making memories. He definitely is a mama's boy and I love it! He makes me feel loved with his constant hugs, kisses and gentle rubs on my back. He won't hug or kiss anyone else but his mama. Makes me excited for another little boy to love on.

With that said here is my belly:

And here is my Lincoln

33 weeks Pregnant

I totally am bad about skipping weeks, but I added extra pictures to make up for last week. Just pretend two are for 32 weeks.

That oh so nice pregnancy stage is disappearing quickly! Seven weeks left and I am starting to hope for an early labor. What exactly happened to my, "I could be pregnant forever" stage? Well a rash happened! A couple of weeks ago my stomach began itching like crazy! I thought for sure my skin was about to burst into a million stretch marks, so I started applying lotion and baby oil. Things got worse! I broke out in a bumpy, itchy rash that felt like my stomach was on fire. I stopped applying anything on my belly. Still itchy. Wearing clothes made it worse, so I lifted up my shirt, sagged my pants and began walking around the house with my belly hanging out for a week. It helped and the rash has almost disappeared, but I still itch!

My acid reflux has also returned with vengeance! In order to tone it down I refuse to eat past seven and drink 3-5 glasses of water before bed. This works miracles and completely gets rid of the acid. The down side, lots of nightly trips to the bathroom, but I will take that over having my head in the toilet puking up straight acid.

And last but not least, the waddle has begun! Every time I walk too much I begin waddling and soon I'm holding my back, rubbing my belly and breathing heavily. It is not a pretty sight and I find myself shouting at poor Scott, "Stop looking at me weird! I'm practically eight months pregnant, leave me alone!". I feel like I have to constantly remind him that I am pregnant and deserve some pampering and the right to breath hard.

Alright, so these symptoms aren't too awful and I can't complain much, but they do all shout that I'm in my final weeks. I'm getting uncomfortable, huge, and cranky, what more can I say?

Today I got to meet my newest doctor. He is number four and is by far my favorite, only problem is I cannot pronounce his name, Doctor Hermashati. When making my appointment I literally had no choice of doctor at all. All the other doctors were booked for at least two months and so they gave me the "new guy". Thank heavens! He is full of energy and listened to every word I said. My nurse is also amazing and they are so friendly and fun to talk to that it makes me excited to go back in two weeks. As for my appointment, it went well, I get to use the valet parking which means I only have to walk to two different elevators to get to my office. As for the health of baby and I, my uterus is measuring spot on, baby's heartbeat is strong, and I passed the diabetic test. The only thing is my red blood cell count was low, so I am Anemic. It is really common, but if not treated can be life threatening at birth if I lose too much blood. Basically I get to take iron pills that constipate me, something I look forward to. No seriously constipation is one of my biggest fears, I may or may not share why later (insert winky face). Basically anemia is caused from the increase in blood flow for the baby but not enough red blood cells to fill it. Baby is eating it all up (bless his heart) and leaving me weak, tired, cranky and pale. Alright, I am just cranky, weak from lack of exercise, and I have always looked like an Albino, but for now I'm blaming pregnancy. It is also caused because I got pregnant directly after a miscarriage and my body didn't have time to fully repair itself. It didn't effect me until third trimester though, which is good.

Everything else is great. I have gained 25 pounds and was asked by a stranger if I was pregnant. It made me so happy I almost hugged her.

As for the little guy, he is doing great. He loves to hang out on my left side and it makes for an odd shapped belly, but I love it and will never complain about his painful kicks and shoves. He moves all the time, way more than Lincoln did and I wonder if this is a small glimpse at his sleeping schedule. Let's hope not!

Here is my big belly!

31Weeks Pregnant

I made it to the single digits! Yep, only nine weeks left and that means it is time to get ready for baby.

This week I set up his room. We got his crib built and his bedding washed, ironed and made and curtains hung. The swing is built, the bouncer in the corner and the carseat scrubbed down and washed. I painted over some scratches and dents in his crib and scrubbed every last inch of everything. I want it to be new for him. Then I prepared his baby stuff and set up a list of things I need to buy each week over the next couple of months. Not a lot to buy, but we do need a few things, like diapers, wipes, hangers, socks and pajamas. Just small things but nothing I am going to want to run out to the store and buy when we get home from the hospital.

It was really good for me, well us, to set up his room and buy baby stuff. I have been excited but now I am REALLY excited. I get that butterfly feeling in my belly and have thought plenty about labor. I constantly have braxton hicks! My stomach hardens up into a ball and cramps, but nothing abnormal and it just feels like a menstrual cramp. I had braxton hicks all the time with Lincoln, but every time my belly tightens, I wonder if I will go into pre-term labor. My belly has been developing a faint line down it for awhile but it is really clear now. I got it with Lincoln too. Both my sisters didn't get it and most girls I know don't. The nice thing about it is after the baby is born the line gives this optical illusion like I have a six pack, haha, I am totally kidding. Eventually it fades. Also my belly button is starting to go all outty on me, well half of it is and the other half is really deep. All sorts of funny.

Lincoln still asks every day if baby can come out and play and loved setting up his room with me.
I haven't been exercising at all, but we have started swimming in our pool and almost every night we relax in the hot tub. These past few weeks has been really relaxing to me and I have been soaking up every moment. With Lincoln I was completely worried about something being wrong or him coming too early, facial defects, deformities, you name it. I would literally sit on the computer and Google every possible thing that could go wrong during labor or what horrible disabilites my baby could have. I would cry, stress and have anxiety over it. Every time Lincoln wasn't kicking I would be in tears. I am not sure what the difference is this time but I have felt completely at peace. It might be that I miscarried two babies and know that there is simply nothing I can do to stop bad things from happening. Whatever God decides to do, he will do, and I have just left it in his hands. There is no sense in worrying myself sick over every "if", and "if" something does happen I will deal with it then.

I am also SO excited to see my mom and dad! They will be here on the 24th of July to help. Scott and I were talking about how it seems more real that my parents are coming than that a baby is coming. I have to remind myself that they are coming to see my baby and not me because I keep wanting to plan activities to do with them. Then I remember the only activity I will be wanting to do is sleep.

I scheduled a doctors appointment for next week. I guess we will see if I even like this doctor, but I will only see him possibly four times before I deliver, so I sadly don't care too much. I will deliver in the same building my appointments are in, so yet again a huge building.

Overall, I'm doing great and baby is growing fast! Over these next weeks he will be growing half a pound a week and is already four pounds! Four pounds! I swear he has got to be more like twenty pounds because that's what it feels like. Not too much room in there.

Here is the belly! As a side note, this skirt is the only one I will be wearing to church anymore. Last week to fit in a dress I had to have Scott zip it up. He was laughing so hard because there literally was four inches between the zippers by my shoulders. I ended up wearing a jacket over it in case the entire back ripped out. I have three pairs of pants that fit and I usually walk around with the zipper undone anyways.

Epidural or No Epidural

I find it quite sad the war that goes on between women who deliver naturally and those who take the epidural. There is no special award for going through hours of a painful labor and it certainly does not make you a better mom or more of a woman than someone who chooses to skip the pain. Of course it didn't start at labor and it doesn't end there either. Many women can't conceive on their own without the help of medicine, some can't conceive at all and choose adoption. Does that make them less of a mom? Certainly not, and it definitely doesn't make them any less womanly than Miss Fertile Myrtle. After labor, some women struggle to breastfeed and resort to formula. Some women don't even bother to try breastfeeding at all. Some will breastfeed for eighteen months. Whether baby is fed with breastmilk or formula doesn't matter. Guess why? No matter what route we go to get our baby, no matter what process that baby comes and how that baby is fed, the final goal is the same for all of us, we want a baby to love and care about and we are doing the best we can. So let's all stop judging and pointing fingers at eachother.

With that said, let me go back to epidurals. When I delivered Lincoln, I planned on getting an epidural from the beginning and when the time came to have him, it worked out that I was able to receive the epidural. Everything went more than smooth. I had no negative effects from the drug and it ended up being the best twelve hours of my life. After getting the epidural I ran into a number of women who went naturally and some who wished to go naturally. I thought they were amazing! Hours of pain was something that I was not willing to experience. All of the ladies were sweet, they respected my method and I respected them. In fact I didn't even know about this "epidural war" until I met a girl who insisted on forcing her opinion on everyone and even told me, "If people who got epidurals actually did the research they wouldn't get one" or my favorite "I would never take the risk of hurting my baby". Mind you, she has never had a baby and likes to press parenting advice too. I always kept my mouth shut, but it seems quite silly to think that women who get epidurals are uneducated and selfish. I did my research and was overly impressed with how few risks come from the epidural. Before having Lincoln, I thought I might end up paralyzed if I got one. Thankfully I DID the research and found this NOT to be the case. There are always going to be risks dealing with any drug and it is important to know these risks, but there are also benefits.

This time around I have thought about going naturally. One of my friends just had her baby naturally and her birth story is so absolutely beautiful that it made me think about not getting an epidural. However, after re-reading my own labor story I realized my experience was just as wonderful and I hope this time goes as great as last time. That's the beauty of it all, no matter what you decide to do it is your story and that makes it the best!

Because I have never experienced going natural, I can't give advice on it. But I can tell my experience on getting an Epidural. Here are some of the benefits from my personal experience:
-No pain
-I got to laugh and joke around with my husband for hours and not worry a moment about anything.
-I got to take a nap and get some energy for the active labor.
- I could talk on the phone and keep family updated about how labor was going.
-My body was completely relaxed and I didn't suffer any emotional or psychological effects from the pain.
-When it came time to push, the nurses let me know and baby was out in a half-hour.
-I got complete attention from the nurses as they constantly needed to check my blood pressure and IVs.
-After labor, I had zero pain and recovery was painless. No joke, it was painless.
-I have no fear or anxiety over labor this time around and look forward to delivery because it was literally the most enjoyable twelve hours of my life.

This was my experience. I was one of the very common who don't experience any effects, but there is always that chance. Do the research. Look up the risks, but don't Google and try to find the one in a million horror story because if you want to find proof that an epidural will kill you, you will find it. Believe me, I was positive my Lincoln was going to come out with two heads because it has happened before.

I have decided to go with an epidural because that is what is right for my baby and me.

Whatever you decide is up to you and don't let anyone make you feel inferior or lesser of a woman for your choice. Remember it is your story to tell, so live it how you want to!

30 Weeks Pregnant

I made it to the 30's! I made it to the 30's! I seriously cannot believe that I am basically seven months pregnant. Yay! Time is definitely flying by and although I am not quite ready for baby to be here I am definitely getting there. Soon I will be hoping for the little guy to make his appearance but I am not to that point yet. Getting there.

Lincoln on the other hand is beyond excited and ready. He thinks I am growing a best friend for him to play with, which I am, but he won't come out throwing balls and pushing trucks around like Lincoln is hoping for. Several times a day he asks if he can come out yet and play. He asks if he is sleeping, or kicking me and sometimes will put toys on my belly for the baby to kick. It makes me so happy that he is already bonding with baby when he isn't here yet. Of course he will struggle when he comes and has to share our attention, but I think being older and understanding will make it easier to explain.

I have once again felt great this week. A few weeks ago I was in way worse pain than I am now. Which is kind of backwards, but my body just needed to adjust to the changes. I started sewing a few things for baby and preparing his room. It still has a long way to go, but there is plenty of time.

I have to find another doctor because we moved. Gag! This will be number four. It makes it difficult for me to even want to schedule an appointment so I keep putting it off.

I am nervous to add another person to the family and so we have spent a lot of time together enjoying these last months as just the three of us. It really makes me enjoy everyday moments and not wish away my pregnancy that I see so many expectant mothers do. Pregnancy is an exciting time and as painful as it is, don't wish it away. There are so few times you will get to experience that kicking baby and many women who can't experience it ever, so enjoy the moments and the time with your family before baby arrives.

This week baby is the length of a cucumber and approaching 3 lbs. He is getting stronger and stronger and could now grasp my finger tightly.

I definitely feel his kicks getting stronger but they feel more like shoves because he has very little room to swing a leg. I have gained 23 pounds. I wore a tight shirt so you can really see how big my belly is. I love it! I couldn't be prouder and I tell anyone and everyone I am pregnant.
Look at that big belly!

And here is my bare belly

29 weeks pregnant

These last couple of weeks have been wonderful! Baby is growing and weighs in at 2 1/2 pounds! He moves all the time and we all love watching my belly roll with movement. Pregnancy has become a natural part of my life. It is hard to imagine my stomach not moving and I can't remember what it was like to have a flat stomach. It seems like this buldge has always been here and as strange as it might be, it is comforting.  I don't "feel" pregnant because I can't quite remember what not being pregnant feels like.

We recently moved again and it was a last minute decision that forced me to pack up the entire house by myself. I even loaded half the U-haul. Scott had to work and I was forced to do it alone. We then moved and unloaded in basically one day. Thankfully we had some family in Everett to help us unload furniture and Scott's cousin helped us load. As awful as those two days were, I am so happy to be in our new place! It is beautiful and it makes me excited to decorate baby's room!

Not a lot to say. I gained two pounds making the total 23. I have become quite awkward. When I try to stand up I fall down because my balance is off. I have also started snoring and sometimes it gets loud and I wake up myself. I pee like every hour during the day, but only once or twice at night.

Here I am and a small look at what I packed:

27 Weeks Pregnant

This week I got to welcome the third trimester!

That means two trimesters down and only one left to go. What are my thoughts and feelings? I am beyond excited! In just 13 short weeks I get to welcome this little guy into the world. I love newborns and how sweet, tiny and perfect they are. I am also scared! Will I be able to handle TWO kids? Will I be able to love this little guy as much as I love Lincoln? Will Lincoln feel replaced and sad? So many emotions and feelings.

I have felt A-mazing this week! Seriously! I haven’t had a single symptom of being pregnant, besides constant kicks to the ribs and sides, not even acid-reflux or pain in the pubic bone. Maybe the honeymoon stage of the second trimester will linger a little longer. Cross my fingers!

Baby is doing good and growing wonderfully. I swear he kicks me all day long and it is starting to get a little painful but I enjoy every moment. I went to my doctor’s appointment and I am measuring right on, healthy, healthy. He is now the size of cauliflower!

Here I am. I finally went and bought a couple of new shirts and a pair of shorts. My sister-in-law gave me this maternity skirt and I love it.